Just when I was running out of ideas for my advanced class, I decided to start telling jokes. Now, their weekly homework assignment is to bring one English joke to class and tell it. It's a pretty good way to learn the subtleties of the language, and it's not boring! Here are some good, fairly simple ESL jokes and riddles.
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
What begins with P, ends with E, and has 1,000 letters?
What can you catch but not throw?
What goes around the world but stays in a corner?
A father and son were in a car accident. The father died, and the son was taken to the hospital. The doctor said, "I cannot operate on this boy. He is my son." How is this possible?
Answer: The doctor is his mother.
What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?
What kind of nut has a hole?
A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed three days, and left on Friday. How is this possible?
His horse's name is "Friday."
What do you call a fish without an eye?
What car is spelled the same forwards and backwards?
If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
What month has 28 days?
All of them!
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal looked at the other cannibal and said, "Do you taste something funny?"
A duck walked into a pharmacy to buy some chapstick (lip balm).
The clerk asked, "Will that be cash or credit?"
The duck replied, "You can just put it on my bill."
Two muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin looked at the other and said, "Hey man, is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin said, "Ahhhhh! You can talk!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 (7 8 9).
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The hunter's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
A woman carrying a baby gets on a bus. As she pays the fare, the bus driver looks at the baby and says, "Ugh! Lady, that's absolutely the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman is fuming. Still carrying the baby, she walks back toward the rear of the bus, finds an empty seat and sits down. She says to a man sitting next to her, "The bus driver was terribly rude to me when I got on. I've never been so insulted in all my life! I've got half a mind to tell him off." The man says, "And that's what you should do. Don't let him get away with insulting you. Walk right up there and let him know how you feel. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Patient: "Doctor, I think I'm suffering from memory loss."
Doctor: "What's wrong with your brother?"
Why was the math book sad?
Which word does everyone always pronounce wrong?
Why was the baby ant so confused?
A guy yells across the river, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of this river?"
Can an elephant jump higher than a lamppost?
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
A duck walks into a drugstore and says, "Gimme some Chapstick and put it on my bill."
A Guy Walks into a Bar...